Put Yourself in the Way of Beauty

That’s a quote I heard from one of my favorite storytellers (Cheryl Strayed). Her Mom would tell her that right up until she died of cancer. I love that quote. It always reminds me I’m not a victim and I always have a choice, even when I feel resistance.

Last week in the middle of a typical week, Jason and I decided on an impromptu hike in the hood. We aimed for sunset knowing it would be beautiful but not putting too much thought into it. I had a busy week and although part of me was mentally exhausted, I knew getting outside on our date night would lift me up and get me back in a grateful space.

That week I had spent way too much time on DMD related tasks that I have grown to resent (walking doctors through insurance paperwork they should know how to do, repetitive questions from providers who already have the answers I’m going to give yet again, calls I have to make for supplies that should be on auto-pilot because the orders never change, and doing redundant trainings for agencies that require certifications yet have no support to offer back).

A part of me wanted to crawl under the covers and not have to go anywhere or do anything. But luckily, there’s this other part who craves the outdoors, loves spending time with the people I love and is determined to put herself in the way of beauty no matter how she is temporarily feeling. So, the two parts reconciled and the beauty seeking part won.

Five minutes in, the gratitude was back.  Moving outside and chatting with my bestie is one of my favorite things to do. We got to the top and were discussing the full moon when Jason remembered that this time of the year, the moonrise is the same time as the sunset. We decided to hang out for a few. And this is what we got…. On one side, the sun was setting and on the other the moon rising.

That’s the deal, the light and dark are always there, and they depend on each other.  The Sun needs to set in order to create darkness for the Moon to shine and vice versa. And much like my little example of struggle, if I don’t seek beauty, I will never be able to keep the dark right sized. And although I am so lucky I have so much support, I am aware this is a choice I’m solely responsible for making. A choice I will need to continue to make again and again.